Action Tips for White Allies
- Don’t expect people of color (POC) to be your only source of education about race. Other options: Read a book instead. Watch a documentary. Google it. If you must hit up your POC friend for insight, at least buy them dinner, and really listen to what they have to say.
- Don’t take up too much (metaphorical) space in the conversation. White people’s ideas and stories are prioritized everywhere else. Take this opportunity to sit quietly and platform voices of color.
- Don’t compare your experience of oppression or suffering with a POC’s experience with oppression or suffering. Although you might see similarities between your circumstances, resist the urge to interpret a POC’s experience through your limited lens. Continue to listen and seek to understand.
- Don’t explain away a POC’s experience of oppression. Don’t play devil’s advocate or provide an alternative explanation for what happened. Take their word for it. Maybe ask a follow-up question like, “How did that make you feel?”
- If what you are about to say starts with “Not all…” (...men, ...white people, ...evangelicals, ...police officers, etc.), don’t say it. Conversations about race and racism are about systems, institutions, and ideologies more than individuals. Of course, there are “good” examples in each of these categories. But don’t derail the conversation by bringing up the exceptions, when discussing the rule.
- Don’t demand proof of a POC’s lived experience or try to counter their narrative with the experience of another POC. The experiences and opinions of POC are as diverse as its people. We can believe their stories. But keep in mind: just because one POC doesn’t feel oppressed, that doesn’t mean systemic, institutional racism isn’t real.
- Do not chastise POCs (or dismiss their message) because they express their grief, fear, or anger in ways you deem “inappropriate.” Understand that historically, we white people have silenced voices of dissent and lament with our cultural idol of “niceness.” Provide space for POCs to wail, cuss, or even yell at you.
- Don’t underestimate the impact of your words. You have the power to inflict real, lasting damage in these conversations. Be careful; melanin is not a protective shield.
- Don’t forget: racism is our problem. Our people created and sustained it, and now it’s our job to dismantle it.
- Don’t get defensive when you are called out for any of the above. When a POC tells you that your words/tone/behavior are racist/oppressive/triggering, you stop. Don’t try to explain yourself. Don’t become passive-aggressive or sarcastic. Don’t leave in a huff. (It may be helpful, however, to inconspicuously step outside/go to the restroom and take a deep breath.)
- Don’t give up. Stay in. Take care of yourself. Find community. Laugh. Cry. Yell. Sit quietly. Sing. Dance. Then come back and work hard again tomorrow.